Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The #RichardsMunnEffect Spares No One

Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Hide yo fo'wuhds. Hide yo defensemen. The #RichardsMunnEffect is on the loose.  It has no friends. It does not care who is hurt in the process. And in the end, it leaves you feeling rejected. Rich, but rejected.

The Faces of The #RichardsMunnEffect... sure, they look all sweet and innocent... and rabbit like.PhotoCred
As word spread across the Twit-verse that Brad Richards and Olivia Munn (who is the SOLE reason for the Rangers’ early 7 game winning streak) had parted ways (ok, ok, she realized she liked him more as a 'friend'... likely story...), I heard faint cries of joy emanating from almost every female in the metro NY area.

There were also ‘well wishes’ sent Mr Richards’ way via Twitter in hopes that he could pull his game together and find the strength to go on.  “I’ll never let go… I’ll never let… go…” One can only hope that he is not sobbing on his $40,000 leather couch curled up in a fox fur trimmed pink snuggie consoling himself with a big bowl of baby carrots. Oh, Olivia’s naked PETA Anti-Fur ad comes out tomorrow. And now she’s single. The irony.

Photo Credit

Unleash The #RichardsMunnEffect.

Then, The #RichardsMunnEffect took hold of it’s first victim.  Brandon “Baby Face” “Dubi” Dubinsky.  Yes folks, it got Dubi. Dubi was no where to be seen at practice. Knowing he had gotten an owie in the last game, thanks to a generous shoving to the boards courtesy of the ‘Yotes’ Taylor Pyatt, I did what any rational human being could do. I came to the conclusion that he was out of practice due to The #RichardsMunnEffect.  Somewhere in Gotham, Dubi is sitting on a ledge contemplating how to end the vicious cycle of The #RichardsMunnEffect. Or how to improve his scoring. Either way, it could end ugly.

But The #RichardsMunnEffect did not stop there. No. It sent Erik Christensen and his bubbly personality packing for a 2 week conditioning stint with Puckey the Whale.  Not based on how the team was playing, or that there was great chemistry in the current lines, or that frankly, EC has yet to put together a solid effective game.  He was sent down solely because of the #RichardsMunnEffect.

The #RichardsMunnEffect is a cruel heartless bitch.

 It also golfs in wedge sandals and mini-skorts. Photo Credit

Now that the Rangers’ good luck charm is gone, the Rangers will sink into a downward spiral to last place in the league. Thanks Olivia Munn, you must be the Rapture that everyone spoke about.

I’ve come to the well-caffeinated conclusion, that the only person who could stop the #RichardsMunnEffect is Sean Avery. Sean Avery, dubbed the Rangers Fashionista Negotiator, would not only talk Dubi off the ledge, but make sure he was dressed to the nines, just in case.  He does, however, request unlimited refills of Tropicana’s finest pulp-free orange juice.

In all seriousness, in case you couldn’t tell that was sarcasm above, The #RichardsMunnEffect is fake, and Olivia Munn is NOT the aforementioned Rapture.  One could hope that Richards has experienced rejection before (heck, he played for the Stars) and can bounce back quite quickly. I don’t think he’ll have any issues in the lady department. I highly doubt that his performance in the next few games will be horrid or atrocious. 

Sleep safe tonight kids, knowing The #RichardsMunnEffect is fake and the rest of the Rangers are safe.

Or so I think.

I'd like to give a big 'thank you' to @jenconnic for the inspiration and absolutely hysterical twitter conversation.

No comments:

Post a Comment